I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
