Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
