Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
