Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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