It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
