I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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