i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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