I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
