Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
