Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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