just survived the first fart of the relationship.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
