I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
