That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
