If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
