was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
whose parrot is this?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
