i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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