I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
