Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
