I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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