so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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