I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
