I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
