the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize