Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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