we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
