Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
