Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
