Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
