Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
