I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
