I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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