Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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