And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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