Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
