I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
