So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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