ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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