she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize