He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
