saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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