When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
