im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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