New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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