I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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