its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's never too late to be topless.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
