anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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