Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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