We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
