he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
