I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
this hospital has no fireball
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
