So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize