so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
