i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
