Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
