and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
