I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
