we have pet lesbian snakes
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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