Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
