Jerry, you need to find god
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
time to smoke my breakfast
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
