Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
