Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
