i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
