there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
