Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
