Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
