When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize