I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
