don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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