I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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