i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
