I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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