The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
