U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
