she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
