We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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