She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
