I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
