How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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