p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
