You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
