Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
